I bet he comes in French.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
