He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
