By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
