I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
