i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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