i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
