you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
