why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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