I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
