I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
