whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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