Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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