You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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