I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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