Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
