Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
