its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
