what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
