Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
