I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize