I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
