I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
