Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
