I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
only you would photoshop your dick
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
