some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize