Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We're too hungover to prance.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
