what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
