genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
