She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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