Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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