Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
