i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
