and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize