ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
