I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
