New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize