Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
