Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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