Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
