I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This house was built for laser tag.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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