Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
