Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
