i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
