This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
