The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize