this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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