I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
