im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
there is puke in my bra ... again
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