I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
