i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
