I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
