I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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