They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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