i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
