im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's no shave November. This is our time.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
