I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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