please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
