In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
