Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We got so high we made milksteak
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
tell me about the eggs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
