This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
