You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
