sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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