omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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