I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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