I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
