i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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