Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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