Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
