Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Let's paint friendship bongs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
