its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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