Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
