don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize