barbara walters just said penis...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
