Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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