he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
