NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
