i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
