Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
