Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
