As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They took my balls.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
