definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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