I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
