never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My pussy is not your playground.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
