Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
