Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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