I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
